Category: Thoughts


Goodbye

Thank you to all that subscribed – read – and shared — from now on I will be posting from my website – poeticassasin.com

finale

having an eventful weekend – took on some overtime yesterday – as much as I love having weekends off and I need my rest after a grueling week – it’s very hard to turn down time and a half money. Banged out the 8 hours and came home to my ladies.



I’ve come to the realization that though I would like to get/stay in shape, the gym isn’t for me – I just don’t have that mindset to go on a consistent basis and perform the necessary tasks to stay in shape — at the same time I have a tremendous will that if I want to do something I will — sounds oxymoronish but it isn’t… anyway – I purchased a gym machine “the rack” and will be using it starting tomorrow — I fully expect to not complete any of the tasks and for me to take awhile before I get going — (haven’t) worked out worked out since highschool — Kandace and I also went grocery shopping and bought nothing but healthy food — the key is to keep the determination flowing and stick to the goals set – fast food is very enticing, but losing this belly and man boobs is even more enticing. will keep you all updated on my progress.



Thank goodness for the DVR… tonight marks the last episode of one of the greatest shows ever BREAKING BAD — I admit I came onto it a bit late (I started watching before season 3 started) but I caught up rather quickly — looking forward to watching it but sad that it will be over.

low.n

Due to the fact that I store so much information in my head, I always believe that I can jot things down when I am ready – with that I sometimes forget things or what I wanted to say gets pushed down the line. Tomorrow I will be starting school again – for my apprenticeship program, we are required to go to school for 5 years… it will be tough, but it will definitely be worth it. I’m no longer working at a FedEx facility, due to the fact that a minority was needed on this specific state job, I moved to a school project in New Brunswick. The whole situation is extremely beneficial to me because I will be working in the daytime and learning at night… There are tons of things I do not know when it comes to electricity so I am very excited about going to class. I wouldn’t say that I hold grudges, but I definitely don’t forget – I know God makes no mistakes, but I was down for a hot second when I got laid off from my teaching job a few years ago due to low enrollment – The lord set it up so that my current job (which of course is building a school) is directly across from where I was laid off from.

Bunch of ideas in my head writing wise, just trying to find the space to put them down on paper/computer – can’t wait.

Looks like I will be heading to the studio on Saturday – tons of material that needs to get recorded.

Truth bubble

Ever since my daughter arrived on the scene, I haven’t been able to write the way I usually do. I have written poems as usual, short ones, a few spoken word pieces, but as far as writing full length spoken word pieces, I haven’t been able to do so. After months of trying figure out what the problem was, and watching my daughter continue to amaze with her intelligence I came to the conclusion that much of what I possessed, now resides with her. The main thing that led me to believe this was the fact that she loved holding pens. Anytime there was a pen around she would always take it up and have it in her hand. Though I loved the fact that she was holding a pen, I was always worried when she started walking around with the pen in her hand- but whenever I took it from her she started screaming I mean screaming like somebody was hurting her. I’ve always told the aspiring artist or artist that was in the middle of writers block that the way to get out of it is to go to a new place, a new venue, something that is not the norm and it will open up your mind and creative process. Being on vacation has helped me tremendously, being around a new atmosphere, new people, it allowed me to open up my mind and have new ideas that’s giving me a fresh fresh fresh feeling.

Gone…

I’ve never been big on vacations until I actually get to the destination and i’m able to sit back and relax my body…. no bills, no cars, just the view of the water. Though I won’t be here for long, it allows me to recharge my batteries and get ready for the real world when I return…. but who says this can’t be my real world? Isn’t this what we strive for?

Living

My Grandmother was always adamant on me getting my own place – not that she was trying to kick me out, but she always made me aware that one day I was going to have to fend for myself. One thing I wished was that I stayed around her and my uncle more often when they were cooking as now that I am older I’m trying to figure things out on the fly. I’ve never had the greatest of living arrangements once I left home, but through the grace of the lord I’ve always been able to have a roof over my head, clean clothes, and food in my mouth (even if it was just ramen lmao). Through my family upbringing I’ve learned to appreciate and make do with the things that I have- which has led me to find comfort in small spaces

College

I arrived in college thinking of a degree in Journalism, but not the slightest clue of how to get there…









Many years of ups and downs altered my life in ways that I could never have imagined. I learned about independence, heartache, betrayal, ownership, responsibility, friendship, success, fame, accountability, finances.. etc. etc. —- I learned more in those “ “ years than the 17 beforehand.



That’s all you guys are getting lmao – nah I will share a little more. The great Jay-Z said, “You gotta learn to live with regrets,” and with that I have a few. 1) I wish I had finished my studies in German and Arabic, two languages that I went in blindly about, and ended up loving. 2) Completed my degree 3) Took more advantage at the endless networking opportunities that were available to me. 4) Kept in contact with the greatest professor/teacher I’ve ever had, Dr. Regina Jennings. Rutgers University.

H.S.

As you get older in life you always look back and wonder where the time has gone…









As for myself I always reflect on the past, though I know things can’t be changed, and even if they were changed, doesn’t mean that when you get back to the present that things will be better. Sometimes I think about my four years of high school- years that you are supposed to “find yourself.” I would never say I was popular in the cool sense, but I was popular as being well known – the whole pop locking fiasco that we had helped, we would have frequent battles after school in the cafeteria that always created a frenzy- playing football for four years helped slightly, I wasn’t a great football player (not playing pop warner/playing a lot of football growing up could have caused that haha) but walking through the hallways with a jersey on always made the players feel like a big deal, and then there was competition cheerleading. At first, even I was part of the group, thought that cheerleading was something for sissies, but once guys saw us with all the pretty females their tones changed haha… and then there was me just being a good natured individual- I always helped others as much as I could and I had a personality that many were attracted to. My 4 years came and went like many said they would – some months I strapped down and took advantage of the many opportunities that were in my grasp, other times I messed around and got through things just so the teachers would leave me be. I left with a wealth of knowledge but I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be.

Privacy

As a youth I was always a chatterbox – whether beat boxing, reading in class, or just talking in general, my mouth was always open. I remember a time in middle school where I told a friend something at the end of the day, something that I didn’t want others to know, and by the next morning about 10 other people knew – that moment began my period of less talking and more being observant. Still one of privacy I’ve opened up a little more as the years have gone by as seen by such things as having websites/blogs and pictures of my daughter. This opening up stuff isn’t so bad…. Ha!

peek.ing

In between Saturday and Monday’s storm was a marvelous day named Sunday – on that day Kandace and I celebrated her birthday – Birthday’s have never been huge for me, only because I never really made them out to be on the outside, but in the inside I’ve always enjoyed being a year older and reflecting on the past. I didn’t tell her beforehand what we were going to do, but the great mind that she is, figured out two of the three things that were held in secrecy. We went to I hop, miniature golf, bowling, and then the movies to watch F&F 6 – which was a surprisingly good movie. Overall she enjoyed the day – wish it could have been extended a bit longer, but I had to rest up for work.



Father’s Day is coming up…. This will be my second- I’m staring at my lil one now, knowing that if I go over there to try and play with her she is going to mush me out of the way lol – she is so independent, always doing stuff with me when SHE is ready…