Been reading and listening to the comments and reports about the Junior Seau situation over the past few days. In today’s world from a fans eye, it’s uncommon to hear someone say they are actual fans of a player but not the team. Growing up I was a huge Dikembe Mutombo fan, loved watching Payton and Stockton play, and admired Reggie Miller, Iverson and Malone — My team was the Bulls and stayed that way even when I started liking the Lakers when this guy named Kobe Bryant came along. I was always a fan of Junior Seau, I just felt he played hard and was dedicated to making everyone around him better — The Chargers however; I was never a fan of. I don’t remember the entire conversation, and I don’t feel like rehashing it on facebook, but it went something along the lines of the guy being upset that Seau committed suicide and saying that he had all the money in the world, why would he do that? – I responded with something like “money can’t heal a heart” and he flicked my thought to the side then said “He could get any girl in the world if he wanted.” At that time I realized I was debating with an idiot, and even more so after he told ME that I wasn’t making any sense. I sensed frustration in his words, like he had thoughts of suicide or wanted to die but it didn’t work.
Before going through my state of depression, I always looked down on people who were depressed, told them to “man or toughen up” – it was like a mythical being to me…. Until it happened to me — it hits you hard, sometimes leading to wanting to kill yourself. I’m not sure what Junior was going through, but to him it was enough to take his life. It was sad watching his Mother talk about how much she misses her son and how she asked God to take her instead but it was too late — I thought about that a lot, how my entire family would feel and how’d they be able to continue on a daily basis. Sad situation, especially for him and throughout his playing career how he kept his personal feelings/injuries to himself.
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There are many songs/albums that I was raised on, songs that I would hear so much that I would hear them even if they weren’t playing. Reggae was always a constant – The list of artists was endless. Rap was played in handfuls – I remember the first time my uncle showed me the “Paid in Full” album and an NWA tape. R&B was played at my Mother’s house, a lot of Janet Jackson, R. Kelly, Brownstone, New Edition, and everything new that came out in the genre. One artist that I wasn’t raised on was Sade. Sade was an interesting cover to me, an interesting video, and a hypnotic melody. “No Ordinary Love” was the first Sade song that I heard, and I was hooked, hooked, hooked. When I was a little older I remember people saying that Sade’s music was what you listened to when you wanted to go to sleep. I understood what they were saying but seeing as I starting listening to her at a young age I saw her music as anything but something that would put you to sleep. My mother had her first four CD’s and I listened to them religiously. Her sound was something that I never heard before, a combination of words and music that I couldn’t get enough of. I currently still listen to her second, third, and fourth albums — while not being biased I’ve noticed that her overall sound hasn’t changed, she hasn’t really pushed herself as an artist — but is there anything wrong with that though? If no one is in your lane, if no one is able to do what you can, and you do what you do real well while being praised and making a living off of it, then why change? Overall I love her music, and I have written lots of material using her songs as inspiration.
Back to work after a two day absence- Always grateful to have a job regardless of the demanding hours. – I can buy things for myself and family as well as start paying off on bills that I have long put off. Friday started on the train to Newark, and when I got off everything looked and felt so unfamiliar to me. Went to a clothing store and bought some threads for the baby shower. Tried on a few hats but I couldn’t find one that I was keen to. (Hats never looked good on me). Picked up a hotdog along the way- the guy always tells me to get to because they are so good. I agree as usual, but still only get one. Next I went to get a cut at the same place where I used to get my locs done. Definitely shocked a few people. Went to Slammetry and saw Jeanann’s feature. Went to Union after for my own feature. I think I did good – not great, very rusty, but overall I felt I hit multiple areas. I wanted to say that I need to find time to do my writing, but I have the time; what I need to do is shift my energy so I can do it on a consistent basis. Sunday was the second of four baby showers for my baby girl Maryah Katherine Godbolt Thomas. She is already loved and there are many people who can’t wait until she arrives.
Today is May 1st —- Today, is May 1st ….. time zooms. I’m really going to set it in stone to change a lot of things — not about myself, but with the things I need to obtain/direct my attention towards.
Fork forced.
Forgive me,
Passion none
Hunger none-
Busy
Busy be
Busy bee
Busy becoming something
That doesn’t include you
Useful?
In what conversation?
In what real life situation
Will I need this?
Sorry.
You know I love you like…
Fast food
Fast sleep
Fast feet
Desensitized
Cyborg
Pen paper used –
Just not for you –
I’m trying
Nothing
Will take you
Away from me
Away from my daydreams
I have been taken from
From sun to sun I breathe
A new pattern
Cutting cookies close
Monster
Sensible direction ?
Money hungry
Saving diet
“I can’t help it, if I wanted to”
There is much joy
In waking up.
Up to no bad
I wake down
In the morning.
These dreams
Are nothing like
My youth ones.
The road less traveled
Has traces of my scars
Long lost belts
Plaid shirts on the branches
Blood parties are held
Each hour is my birthday.
Life was once miserable
A drunken paint can
A feverish piano
Held daintily by a yawn
“People always told me, be careful…”
The road less traveled
Bears my name.
Seems like I’m always taking time away from this place- always great to be back- The lord has blessed me with a new job- Since losing a stable position in Jan 2011, and not having consistent income for seven months, I have had eight jobs since then with a strong opportunity to receive a career/set for life position in a few months. I’ve been working at my current position for 2 ½ weeks now – the hours are grueling, but I have been able to buy and pay off things since then, and also prepare for the future- sleep at my regular hours has left my side, but other than that things have been decent. Game of Thrones is back!!!! I admit I was late on it, having no interest when season one started – but I started watching it and was immediately hooked. Season 2 is starting off very strongly…. Spartacus ended with an extreme bang — though it was very similar to season 1, it was still powerful.
Money is the root of how we evil, backwards
Back when we had discussions to put weed in a Backwood
Our backs would, hold each other up sturdy- surely- we’d
Battle the cold by combining Dwayne Wade Johnson
Rock and Heat- I go M.I.A for hours a day in order
To give you more than diamonds
Our diagrams of how we would like things to be,
Have drink and food stains
And your independent farm is now inhabited by My grains
And stress pains
Less sane and more in.
In the morning you ask can I hit it- tired from last night’s shift
I kiss your forehead then doze off a….
Cliff notes for our discussions along with a bookmark
Marking a spot in my schedule for spare time to talk to you
I’m never around like the spare tire in my work car
Working so the work of art in your Volks trunk won’t need
The needle on my love tank is on F- though times you make me say
What the F, Shut the F, But I know if there was no effort for our movement,
It would take an L, won’t ie, Life was very gloomy in your absence
Abs sent to boarding school, we have matching bellies
Three’s Company- ready to be Jack Tripper- Jacked an eye patch
Other eye on the sparrow- others will try to pirate-
I pull the boots from your legs and massage your feet
For 3.5 minutes
In its infant stages our love will grow to be- a slaughterhouse
Didn’t make sense, just wanted to add a Joe Budden reference to this poem
Society says that our Virgo and Gemini minds shouldn’t make sense together
We gambled & beat the odds by not making money our only issue
The root of our evil,
So we plant our own breed of tree
Listening to this new Wiz Khalifa tape… can’t front he has picked some hypnotizing beats to make you forget he’s saying the same thing on every track hahah. After this tape I’m on to the Obie Trice mixtape “Watch the Chrome.” Been listening to Fiend on my I-pod, not the “womp womp” Fiend from the No Limit days, but the laid back Fiend that flies with the Jets. The more I listen to music is the more I am obtaining the fact that a solid producer/beat can push your music so much. I’m bouncing to this Khalifa track “Never Been II” and it feels like the beat was custom made for Wiz/Ross/Amber Rose…. She isn’t even needed on the song, but this beat is so crazy that I don’t even care lol.
1 a.m. – still working on this staying up late thing…. So far so good… Wed, my fav day. We will see what it holds.
It was not my intention to have you
Fall
Helpless and in horror.
It all happened, so quickly –
My left hand trapped in an ice bath
Right holding onto a sandwich,
Which contained your brothers.
If the setting was dark
And there were people
Not peeking through blinds
Or exiting the store
I
Would have
Rescued you.
I walk away
Shattered
Hearing you whimper
Remorse,
Grabbing at my ankles.
Been gone for a hot min…. I mean, I think about WordPress every day……. Throughout all my endeavors I’ve remained positive – negativity had a custom made suit for me, but I refused to wear it.
Configuring my I-tunes Playlist for the millionth time; deleting songs I know I will never listen to, reminiscing to others, and bumping into gems I never knew I had. Have the Big Krit mixtape on repeat, this guy is a beast, lyrically and production wise. Went to Wawa’s for some milk and a paper, but left with both and also a sandwich. I haven’t been to hundreds of places for a sandwich, but Wawa’s definitely ranks amongst the best. I’m training myself to go to sleep in the day because of my new job I will be starting this week. I really hate sleeping in the day so it has become a tedious task so far. What I found interesting though, was on the second day of transitioning I felt the whole process of how I fell asleep. My eyes rolled all the way in the back of my head, and it felt like I was staring at a projection screen. Next were series of filmy layers until I could no longer process anything. What made it even more weird/exciting was I was technically awake the whole time.
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Watching R&B soul… man there are some good songs on this channel lol. (dancing)
